4 years

4 years ago today, I got married.

Hard to believe I have been married for 4 years now. We have been through a lot ~ settling into our first home. Writing and defending a masters thesis. Starting new jobs. Learning how to deal with the demands of a crazy work schedule. Promotions and new responsibilities. Miles and miles of running along the lake. A handful of races through the streets of Chicago. Trips to Jamaica and Ireland and Hawaii and London and Paris. Hikes up a mountain in Vancouver and along the Napali coast in Kauai and the Appalaichan trail through the Blue ridge mountains. Lots of nights out at Chicago area restaurants and bars. A couple of nights in a tent. Adventures in the kitchen and the home improvement store. It’s been a whirlwind. And through it all, I feel like we have really become a team.

Four years of married life in no way makes me an expert. I’m sure there are plenty of ups and downs ahead of us. But I do feel like I have learned a few things. Like: there are times when being married is really really hard. Everyone says that, but I totally didn’t get it until I was actually married. And then when it was hard, I was surprised. Ha! But when I got over the shock, I started figuring out how to deal with the hard stuff. After 4 years, I know now that not every bump is a threat to our marriage, which means we can actually deal with the issues instead of just freaking out. I learned to focus on making things better for my husband, instead of for me. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in selfish thoughts -exactly what makes married life hard, since that natural human tendency towards selfishness does not work well when you have two people to account for. So, for me, the antidote towards the hard times is to focus on loving the best that I can, to make things better for him - which then makes things better for me, too.

I also learned to focus on the positives in our relationship. In today’s society, I think there’s a tendency to focus on negativity everywhere, and my personal engineering tendency is to zoom in on whatever the problem is so I can try to fix it. But sometimes that’s counter productive, if your mental energy is being concentrated towards problems. And it’s easy to take the good stuff for granted. But focusing on the good qualities that made you fall in love in the first place is a great way to strengthen the relationship so you can get through the hard stuff together.

With that in mind, I wrote out a list of things that I love about my husband. Yeah it’s sappy. He might be embarrassed. Haha. But all of these things are true!

Things I love about my husband (limited to 10 for now!) ~

1. He makes me laugh. Since the day we first met, his silly sense of humor has given me so many great laughs. Bad day? he makes me laugh. Bored? he makes me laugh. Good day? the jokes fly back and forth.
2. He just may be the least lazy person that I know. He started working when he was 9 years old, doing yardwork for a family friend. And he’s been working hard every year since then. I never have to bug him about doing things around the house, because he will actively be looking for what he can get done next. I really admire his work ethic and dedication to doing the best job he can.
3. He is responsible. He is really good with money and taking care of all those crucial life things like bill paying and tuning up the car. So nice to know I can always count on him.
4. He is the outgoing half of our relationship. I am not so great at meeting new people, but it’s so much easier when he’s around because he can banter away - which makes me more comfortable, so that I can open up, too.
5. He loves animals. It is fun to watch how excited he gets over furry creatures. Or non furry ones, like the time we found lizards all over the walls of a castle we were visiting in Switzerland, or encountered a sea turtle while snorkeling in Hawaii.
6. He is adventurous. Such a thrill to see how effortlessly he can scramble up some rocks when we are out hiking. I tend to be pretty cautious so this is another quality that I admire- and try to tap into a bit :)
7. He is always supportive of me. When I didn’t know if I wanted to finish my PhD... when I knew I wanted to look for a new job... when I signed up for a half marathon and was totally freaked out at the thought of running 13 miles... he is always cheering me on and encouraging me. His support means so much.
8. He likes science. I don’t talk about my work/research with a lot of family and friends because, well, not everyone is into technical stuff. But I love that I can talk away with my husband, and brainstorm ideas, and get good feedback. And we have fun conversations about sciencey stuff in the news - I’ve learned a lot of IT stuff from hearing about his work and the articles he shares with me.
9. He likes making things. He made an end table last summer. And remember how I posted about this laundry room? He surprised me by making a replica of that wall mounted drying rack. He also is quite good at making dinner.... huge bonus!
10. He looks out for people. While a bit (ok, a lot) reserved about his emotions, underneath he really does care about others. He makes a great manager because he looks out for his team.

fearlessly navigating treacherous cliffs in Hawaii

ok, so chickens aren't his favorite. couldn't find another animal picture. 

I'm sure he will love me even more for posting this ;)

Bonus item: he gives the best back massages. ever. :)

Happy Anniversary to my amazing husband- I am so glad to have you in my life!