getting ready

Here we are: less than a week until Christmas. Has anyone else felt like they were on a roller coaster of emotions this month? As the days got shorter and bitter cold quickly settled into the city, my spirits dropped into a small funk. Talking with some other friends revealed that I was not alone in this feeling. Maybe it’s just the time of year, at least in the northern hemisphere: the solstice approaches, barely a third of each day is lit with slanted weak sunlight, trees are bare and the earth is frozen. The end of the year looms ahead as well, inviting reflection of our accomplishments of the past 365 days, the resolutions broken, the goals yet to be achieved. Add in some stress at work and a mile-long to-do list, and certainly looks like all the ingredients for a moment or two of melancholy.

But the funny thing is that even though I was feeling down, I didn’t really mind very much. It felt right, if that makes any sense. I mean, I was kind of frustrated because it definitely impacted my productivity. But even in the sad moments I felt myself appreciating the ability to feel everything within the spectrum of human emotion. So I just stopped myself from the to-do list craziness and spent a few days being pensive, just going with the flow of my emotional state which was telling me to slow down and spend some time reflecting on my life.

Then the weekend arrived and I was ready to switch gears into a more festive mode. As you can see from the pictures in the last post, I was successful. I helped with a holiday party for the charity group I volunteer with last Saturday night, and had a blast. I baked up a bunch of cookies, put on a sparkly top, and even found a battery-powered string of lights to wind around myself. Then I let loose, dancing the night away while the lights glowed and friends laughed at my antics. And thus I kicked of the holiday party season. The fun continued last week with an abundance of holiday parties for work: lab happy hour, IRB holiday open house, research department holiday party, hospital holiday lunch. Then Friday was the final celebratory day of teaching for the engineering outreach project, a full day with the kids who were in quite high spirits as they were about to have a 2 week break. In the spare evenings, I fit in Christmas shopping and had a lot of fun picking out gifts. All of it was enjoyable; it seemed that I had emerged from my time-out from the previous week feeling refreshed and *ready* for Christmastime.

As you can see, I fluctuated from a weird winter funk to very merry holiday spirits. At church today as I sang the advent hymns, it clicked in my head with the words: “O come o Dayspring from on high / and cheer us with your drawing nigh / disperse the gloomy clouds of night / and death’s dark shadows put to flight”. Growing up Catholic we always celebrated the season of Advent as a season of waiting, *before* the celebrating. So the dark days early in the month seem appropriate, somehow. A period of feeling something missing can help to emphasize just how important the gift of Christmas is to us.

I know that the date of the Christmas holiday was chosen based on a pre-existing Roman holiday, to make the transition to Christianity easier. But even though this is an arbitrary date not based on historical accuracy with regards to the birth of Christ, I’m glad that we celebrate Christmas during this darkest time of year. The contrast between the stark cold days and the sparkle and light of the celebrations make for good analogies of how God is here for us during the times when we need him most. And really, a period of deep reflection should be more important than the typical crazy holiday prep of shopping/decorating/baking, which can seem overly frenzied and indulgent.

Earlier, I was frustrated with how unproductive I was that week that I was feeling down. But there is a reason why I felt my emotions take over, and stop me from the craziness. That’s how the real preparations can begin. And so I will embrace the emotions, up and down and sideways – and wait with anticipation for the joy of Christmas that fast approaches!