uncertainty

There are so many hard questions right now. Where to live, what to do with my career, what should steve do with his career (he is asking himself, as well), how do we spend more time with friends and family who are not close by, what about having kids? It's like being in the middle of the hardest exam ever but it just keeps going, for months. Hmm that is also what I said when I was writing my thesis…. But this is even harder than that, because I don't even have that nice structure of laying out chapters with intro/methods/results/discussion. My mind goes round in circles with these questions, and if I'm not careful, I get so stressed out at my own confusion that I end up feeling paralyzed and incapable of progressing at all.

I don’t know if I will be able to figure it all out. I'm trying to take it one at a time, like I did by starting with my own job hunt. But even the singular aspect of the job hunt is intrinsically linked to the other questions, anyway. Not to mention, the question "what do I want to do with my career" is hard enough on its own. Engineering, creativity, teamwork, prospects for growth and recognition, flexibilty for needs of my family….. Will I find the job that has the perfect balance of these things? 

The only approach that I can seem to manage is to tell that I will figure it out eventually, and to pray about it, and try my best to trust that God's plan will work out in the end so I shouldn't get overly stressed out. That trust is hard even though I like to think that I have strong faith. The fact that it's been hard lately is disappointing to me but I guess in the end, this whole process will hopefully have the result of strengthening my faith. I mean, after all, I guess I only need a mustardseed's worth of faith, right?